DOES YOUR SPEC WANT YOU?- Juliet Ike

WHY YOU'RE STILL UNMARRIED (FINISHING POINT)

It's 12:45pm from this part of Africa and your Teawoman is still awake!
This is what I do anytime I'm to upload a post here😚😚
That's because I love you and I always love to gist😁😁

So today's topic is an hot seat for me🙆🙆
Yeepa! Who send me work?
Can't believe I will be taking a snippet into my REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE

Tea time, Gist time💃💃😍

Well everything I share here is always real, but this particular topic is very delicate!
At a point I had a change of plan; whether to or not change the topic, but since I already made a promise, I will love to keep it!
Just before I go deep into the topic, let me share a brief about my "RELATIONSHIP LIFE"

Lovi lovi things😍😍😁

Chai! I can see the smile on your face already😁
You too like gist fa!

But it's okay, grab a seat!
And yes! I've got a spare cup of tea for you😋, sip and let enjoy the moment😎

Errrm.....where do I start from even🤔🤔
Okay, I will start anywhere😁

So on this fateful day, I was just chilling at my Biology Teacher's wedding, the couple happens to be teachers in school and for the love of the groom, I couldn't miss it. We had just written five out of nine subjects for our WAEC and the next week was for Biology, I was still pondering on how to scale through since our "Supposed Soothsayer" will be on " Honeymoon " with his wife.
Then this random guy walked up to me;

Him: Hello Juliet, how far?

Me: I'm good 

Him: I will like to see you

Me: Really? What for? Hope no problem? (Forgive me, this is how I bombard you with questions when I'm curious😁)

Him: Sure, no problem

Me: okay then, let me know when you want to see me

(Seriously, after he said that I had lots of thoughts running through my head, like I could literally spit out what he wanted to say, though I wasn't too sure, so I looked forward to a conversation with him).

Hey! Don't be too serious, chill! 
I know you want to know what happened next?
Lol, you too like gist, any way I will tell you😁😁, just follow me😄

Okayyy.........the guy wasn't just random, this was my classmate who have just been transferred from highschool to mine alongside his brother, sister and cousin and they all happen to be in the same class as mine. They come from an average family, his grandfather was a lecturer and professor in a renowned university in Nigeria (that isn't the topic if discussion, so let focus). Yes I secretly admired him, although no string attached, trust me😁😁, and to the best of my knowledge, I realized he had a crush on me too, but as a "hard girl" that I am, I played all along like I knew nothing.
Shortly after then, he excused himself and notified me to see him outside. No words, I went and lo and behold, my instinct were right!
He said lots of things I can't remember now (for God sake that was 7years ago😁, I was still young and naive), but bottom line was; "He wanted me to be his girlfriend"
What? This is one of the things I've feared all my life!

To be candid, I use to be very saucey growing up😁😁, like you dare not ask me out when you're not ready for insults😂😄 (this is really bringing back memories and I'm literally laughing at myself typing this; those days I felt the world revolves around me😂😂, like you can't even talk me down and go scout free, when I'm not sleeping😂😂😂😁), but I couldn't insult him cos first, he was my classmate and the fact that I'd liked him prior to that time was like calmness to my waging storm😁.
 But then, all the information and gist I got on dating was like, I was literally going to get pregnant immediately someone asks me out😂😂(just imagine), but then I was just trying on my own to play safe.

I saw how young teenage girls like me ended up in unwanted pregnancies and I didn't want to end up like them, especially of the fact that most of them stops schooling amidst it.
I know my kind of parent; my Dad a Retired Soldier and my Mom a hardcore disciplinarian, I can't even deal if such happens.

So back to my story😁😁
I told uncle I was going to think about it, which I really didn't and the fact that I was taking much time to accept, uncle kuku con "columbi me".
 Like I can't or don't remember saying yes, but all I knew later was that " we started communicating" like lovers😁😁. If you once had a first love, you should know what happened next😂😂😂
My mumu button just dey the dude hand and we started making out.
Thank goodness there was no smooching, kissing or cuddling involved, probably I would have got pregnant😂😂, cos truth was, "I loved the guy as at the time". He was cool and we didn't have problem with that!

Till date, I still respect his show of maturity, though things didn't work out between us on the long run as I left Osun State to Port Harcourt, which was barely 7months after we started " dating (unapproved😂😂😊)".
Most times when I recollect my past relationships, I really don't number this cos I still feel "I never agreed", we were only "friends who indirectly became lovers"😂😂 (you're free to laugh at me though).

We broke up about 3times unofficially till I just had to put a stop to the madness😂😂😂, that was in 2015, and we just have to move on and wish each other well. I still loved him as at then, but I just couldn't deal with the fact that " the same issue" was the cause of our quarrels, besides I felt we were naive and young and as such ain't matured enough to deal with relationship, so I moved on and I'm sure he did as well.

2016 I got into another one, a student though matured yet insensitive. Our relationship lasted for just two months and a week I guess (can't remember vividly), but all I remember was the cause of our quarrels was "lack of communication" (he left school for I.T and everything ceased); which was the cause of the loss of the previous one.

For no reason, I just couldn't deal with it!
Like I can't cope with such, besides I've always known that "good communication" is the basis for the foundation of any relationship whatsoever. I told him about it and he was adamant, so I had to call it off. It's funny how I've been the one "wrecking ships"😂😂, and not the other way!

Well, this isn't funny, I just have to deal with things the way they are, I can't deal with unnecessary heartbreaks, I don't think any guy worth giving me one!
I was CAPITAL SINGLE from 2016 till early this year when I decided to try another one, which didn't work cos of my negligence!

Pause! Let me say something here!
My specs for these guys were;
🖋They were cute
🖋They looked like they had a future even when I don't know where exactly they are headed
🖋My instinct made me feel I loved them and as such I didn't care about God's will
🖋I was looking at their current state of value; and to a great extent, they didn't possess what I needed.

Even when I had the leading to pray about it, I never cared cos I felt I was in safe hands, not until table turned! 
How ironic life can be!
But on the other hand, if I'd not ended the last one, I wouldn't have been where I am today, cos it was a complete distraction for me. 
I was so into him that I even forgot about God, service and church; thank God my fall wasn't complete. I actually learnt so much lessons within the two months we spent, which ranges from;

🖋 I got to understand that if God doesn't approve, then you will remain stranded in your journey.

🖋 Before you journey on any relationship, ensure that you're READY for it; both mentally, physically, emotionally, Financially and Spiritually. It is when these needs are satisfied sustainably, then taking a course part won't be difficult.

🖋 Don't be in a hurry to say YES, when you know deep within that the answer is NO! Heal properly before endangering the next partner.

And yes! The most recent lasted for just a MONTH! I knew from the beginning it wasn't going to last cos "I repeated the same error"; which occurred in the previous ones. A wise man once said; " You don't do the same old things expecting different results", tables turn and when they don't meet you prepared, they serve you anything!
I knew I couldn't beat the kind of relationship I wanted with just my power or knowledge. Yes! I've read books on relationship, but that alone won't buy me what I wanted, not until I involve the "initiator of the institution" himself.

Recently I share a post on my Facebook handle and it reads; WHY YOU'RE STILL UNMARRIED!
To read, click on the link below👇👇

https://www.facebook.com/100007323974506/posts/2637909486463158/?app=fbl

I shared a lot on the subject of wanting and choosing, and I intend to wrap it up here!
You know a lot of times as believers, we choose to want or have something, just because we feel it will be better with us, but we fail to understand the mystery behind "cause & effect". We are not like unbelievers who just hop on one person or the other and the next thing you see; they are cohabiting or living together even without the normal process of doing it. That it worked for Mr A doesn't mean it will work same for B. The " Grace factor" differs!
You don't live your life by "trial and error" and expect to get result like one who has a "PLANNED LIFE"! Every of God's plans and will concerning us is written in his book! Have we taken time to study it? 
You want to date or marry this person; have you prayed about it?
What did God say, or what has he spoken?

I know we hear from God differently, but what is a pointer that it is God leading you to marry him or her?
Like I said in my post, there are three approaches to choosing a life partner;
You can choose to marry God's;

🖋Acceptable will

🖋Permissive will or

🖋Perfect will

Acceptable Will

Permissive Will

Perfect will

The acceptable will of God for every man & woman is to marry from your " sect ", and when I say sect, I don't mean denomination. I mean as a believer, you're expected to marry a Christian and not otherwise. Meanwhile, it is important to note that " it's not all Christian who are meant to fit into your picture ", when you go against this law, then you fall into " God's permissive will"; these are the kinds of home you see "outward show of love" but "inward pain". Most times, the couple struggles in whatever they do. Let me say this, " whatever God approves, he makes provision for it". Bishop Oyedepo says; "it is lawful to be tempted, but it is unscriptural to fall"; of course the devil will always come with trials and temptations, but it is the amount of God's backing to that home that counts and not otherwise.
But if you weren't backed up for sojourning in that route, trust me things will always be gloomy for you. No wonder we see anointed men of God doing exploits in the kingdom, yet their families ain't in order.
God's perfect will take the following phases;

🖋First, you enjoy divine backing

🖋Secondly, you enjoy peace

🖋You're assured a glorious future with your dreams and aspirations; there won't be strive fulfilling your visions because it's secured.

🖋You enjoy rest all round

🖋You live longer in health & Wholeness

How Then Can You Achieve This;

🖋First, "watch and pray" scripture says; so as much as you're praying for a life partner, be sensitive enough to know when they come along.

🖋Read books that will help you grow. "Study to show thyself approved"; if that dream man or woman shows up now, tell me what are you going to show him or her, that will encourage them that you're prepared for the journey. You need to understand that marriage is not a destination, just as success is, it is an " adventure ". Everyday, you will keep learning & knowing things about your spouse, you need to be updated so both of you will be on same page; no one ever wants to get married to someone slaying only fave within SENSE.

🖋Ensure you're prepared emotionally, physically, physiologically, financially and spiritually for it. There are definitely going to be challenges, but it is your preparation that will guard you when it comes.

🖋Lastly, at every step of your life, always seek God's direction. " In all thy ways, acknowledged him". God knows you and that "MR OR MRS RIGHT" you're in search of, so when you're aligned, he tells & reveals more about your partner to you than what "observation and research" will take you a million years to acquire. It is not how long you've been together that matters but how well. The place of "WAITING" cannot be overemphasized, so you need your strength to be renewed daily in him.

RECOMMENDED BOOKS ON MARRIAGES

🖋Dear Future Husband by Tomi Adeshina

🖋Single to Married by Pastor Nike, O.

🖋A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

🖋The Subtle Act of not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

🖋Love & Respect; The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr Emerson Eggerichs

NB: If you want any of these books, send me a mail; julietchiamakaike@gmail.com....... I love you so much to gift you any😚

This is a must read

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You're loved💋